Lohan To Put Some Meat On Her Bones

Hey guys, it's Donnie...Lindsay Lohan is suddenly pulling a complete 180 and going from coked out, emaciated, car-crashing tabloid fodder to actual human being and bona fide actress.

It's about damn time.

I say that without a shred of irony. I think that Lindsay Lohan, aside from being stunningly gorgeous back circa Mean Girls, is also extremely talented. She's funny, she's extremely watchable, she's got (or at least she had) personality and charm oozing out her ears. (At this point who knows what she's got oozing out of where. OOOHHH!!! Zing!) I've been hoping that she would snap herself out of her Macaulay Culkin-esque stupor and live up to her potential as an actress, which I think is considerable. Maybe one of her various car accidents shook something loose in her head or something, because she finally appears to be on the right track.

We'll have to endure the sure-to-be-horrendous Just My Luck, but after that we'll see her in Robert Altman's Prairie Home Companion (amidst an absolutely mindblowing cast) and last week she signed on to Emilio Estevez's drama Bobby (amidst another ridiculously talented cast and playing opposite Elijah Wood). Well, this week she's jumped onto George Hickenlooper's Factory Girl, the biopic about Edie Sedgewick (Sienna Miller) and Andy Warhol (Guy Pearce) where she'll play Brigid Berlin, who was overweight to say the least. Thus Lohan is going to have to ditch her current wraith-like figure and start fucking eating. I'm sure her version of "getting fat" will be akin to Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones, which consists of not being "fat" so much as being extremely chubby and it looking really fat compared to her status quo of looking like a pouty toothpick.

Lohan has also signed onto Chapter 27, the story of Mark David Chapman, aka the asshole who shot John Lennon. Chapman will be played by Jared Leto (who will also have to gain about 75 lbs. to come close to bearing any physical resemblance) and Lohan will play a Beatles fan that Chapman meets the weekend before he pulls one of the biggest dick moves in history. "Chapter 27" is probably a reference to Catcher In The Rye, one of my favorite books and the book that Chapman was obsessively reading when he shot Lennon. (Conspiracy theorists often contend that the book was used as a mental trigger for brainwashed government assassins. Hey, if it worked on Mel Gibson, I suppose it's possible.)

I'm probably gonna catch a bit of shit for this, but fuck it, I don't care. I'm nothing but happy to see Lindsay Lohan turn her life and her career around. Good for you Lindsay! I'm proud of you. Way to realize your potential and challenge yourself.

Feel free to call me anytime for tips on good places to eat. When I get back to LA, I'd be happy to hit up an In & Out Burget with you...