28 October 2005

Doc Boll Reaches New Levels Of Pomposity

Hey guys, it's Donnie...Alright kids, pop quiz: What's worse than a two hour movie by Dr. Uwe Boll?

A four hour movie by Dr. Uwe Boll. That you have to pay for twice.

God help us.

Apparantly the not-so-good doctor has decided that Dungeon Seige, his newest rape of a decent video game, cannot merely be contained in a two hour film. He's therefore decided that the only way to assure the integ....the int....gimme a minute................the integrity of the film is to SPLIT IT UP ala Kill Bill. Thus we'll be getting Part One next November 3rd and Part Two December 1st. You've got to be kidding me right? Boll really thinks he's on the same sort of directorial level as Tarantino?? Whereas Kill Bill pulled everyone in with the first volume and left them hugry for Volume 2, this will almost certainly have the exact opposite effect. Instead of being a guaranteed moneymaker, you're gonna get some people who don't know any better to show up in November, and you're gonna have empty theaters in December.

Apparantly Dr. Uwe has also decided that the film cannot merely be contained in a two word title, and thusly the film has been retitled In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Seige Tale, as evidenced by the poster above. I have to point out that everyone on that poster has the dumbest possible expression on their face, as if none of them realized they were having their pictures taken. Really they're all just variations on one look, the same look that Bill Murray was sporting thoughout Ed Wood. It's as if the actors are breaking character, looking straight at you through the camera lens and asking, "What the hell am I doing in this movie?"

The new title really kind of bothers me because it implies two things: a) once again Boll has drastically deviated from the premise and/or story of the original game, and b) he seems to be hoping to get another sequel out of this already too long movie.

Pop Quiz: What's scarier than a four hour movie by Dr. Uwe Boll?

A Dr. Uwe Boll franchise.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Little Giant Ladder