Trailertown: Total Confusion

Hey guys, it's Donnie...Welcome back to Trailertown!

Looking over today's crop of new residents, I feel like I'm surrounded by immigrants from Bizzaro World. All of today's trailers have at least one thing about them that just makes me shake my head in puzzlement.

Annapolis: The story of a determined young man who gets accepted to the elite Naval Academy at Annapolis, where he clashes with his hardened instructor seemingly at every turn. Think of it as Top Gun meets Stripes, but minus the funny. The flick looks fairly unremarkable, and the best thing about it will probably be the performance by James Franco, who can pretty much play these "troubled youth" parts in his sleep. Tyrese Gibson plays his unsympathetic instructor, and here's where I started to scratch my head. While it appears that Gibson puts in a pretty good performance, I can't really get over the fact that he and Franco are EXACTLY THE SAME AGE and they look it on screen. Are we really supposed to buy Tyrese as the uber-experienced, battle-hardened Naval instructor at a mere 28 years of age? Cuz I really don't. Also, it's directed by Justin Lin, who was previously responsible for the underrated film Better Luck Tomorrow. That movie showed real promise in him as a director, so why is he doing this middle of the road crap? (I'm sure there were many dollar signs involved.) After this he's directing the third Fast And The Furious starring Bow Wow, and that's just downright depressing, especially since his next flick after that will probably be the ill-conceived American remake of Oldboy. At one point I though Lin was a nice choice, but this little detour through Schlock City just serves to increase my already-sky-high nervousness about the impending Park Chanwook bastardization.

Click it here to shamelessly rip off one of the best scenes in Top Gun...

Running Scared: The story centers on Paul Walker as a lower middle class family man/mob pion who is supposed to get rid of a gun used to kill a cop. Instead he keeps the gun, only to see it get stolen out of his house. Now he has to find the snub .38 and get rid of it for real before the cops and/or the Russian mob find it and make him a corpse for real. The premise is kinda cool, although you've got Wayne Kramer at the helm. Kramer directed the wonderful Bill Macy film The Cooler, but he also wrote the addle-brained disaster that was Renny Harlin's Mindhunters, so in my book, Kramer is a toss-up at this point. Plus you've got Paul Walker, who is a total void of any and all presence and/or personality. And herein lies my confusion: This flick actually looks pretty fuckin solid. Chazz Palminteri looks to be doing some good old fashioned scenery chewing and there seems to be a great sense of visual style at work here, (although I really could have done without the Schumacher-esque blacklight/neon hockey scene at the end) Hell, even Paul Walker looks to be pulling his dramatic weight here. Did I really just say that? I'm feeling a little dizzy...

Click it here to see a car that's way cooler than the guy driving it...

Match Point: I just...I don't know what to do with this. I'd heard a bit about this movie already, mostly good things, but I just was not prepared for this trailer. In fact, I'm not gonna say anything more about it, mostly because I want you to have the same what-the-fuck moment that I just had. So check out the trailer, and then come back and we'll discuss.

Click it here to wonder where all the tennis is at...

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Back?

Good.

So...

Alright, I'm just gonna say it.

WOODY ALLEN?!?! What the hell? Where the fuck did that come from? Talk about a departure of style. Seriously, how many of you thought that it was a Woody Allen movie before you saw his name at the end? All of you who raised your hands...you're LIARS, each and every one of you! Don't get me wrong, I think the film looks fantastic. The cast is phenomenal (Brian Cox!) and I'm certainly not going to complain about seeing Scarlett Johansson in the soaking rain. I'm just astounded that Woody Allen made this movie. Since when does he make dark sexual thrillers? And was that a gunshot at the end? Good lord, who is this Woody Allen and where the hell has he been hiding for the past 30 years?? You can click it here to see the international trailer, which not only has at least a reference to tennis, but paints the picture of a very different movie, one much more traditional Allen. Apparantly the movie screened at Cannes and blew people away, and I can see why.

Alright, I've got to go take a Xanex or something. My brain is about ready to shut down from a total lack of logic in the world around me.

Did I really compliment the performance of Paul Walker? Jesus...