One Of The Worst Ideas In The History Of Bad Ideas

Hey guys, it's Donnie...In case you were unaware, reality television blows. Seriously, it's awful. I'm pretty much incapable of watching reality TV sober without wanting to gouge my eyes out with a salad fork. For a brief moment in time, a few studios tried to bring reality TV to the big screen, but then they realized that they were just making shitty documentaries, so that was the end of that.

Our friends at Paramount, however, seem to have figured out a clever loophole. They're greenlighting a fictional movie based on the 70s TV show Battle Of The Network Stars. For those of you who haven't heard of this little gem, (and those of you who have but repressed the memories) the original show featured the stars of various popular TV shows playing on teams by their network: ABC, CBS, and NBC. They competed in an assortment of "athletic events" while Howard Cossell did the play by play. (I can't help but wonder how athletically challenging these events actually were. Was this like Celebrity Jeopardy, where all the questions are kinda easy cuz all the contestants are kinda dumb?)

Anyway, apparantly this fictional film version will center on a disgraced network exec who has to play in order to win his job back or some such nonsense. Expect a bevvy of recent sitcom stars playing themselves and hopefully having a little fun at their own expense. Most of the Friends and Seinfeld folks are available I'm sure. Paramount says they look at this project like a "comedic Ocean's Eleven." Wonderful. They're gonna pay bloated ridiculous salaries to a bunch of TV has-beens that can't get decent work so they can all be terribly cute in a movie based on a crappy 70s reality show, but they don't have the budget to make Watchmen. Paramount needs a sharp spiritual slap to the head. And they wonder why movie sales and attendance are down...