01 July 2005

Dr. Uwe Boll's Next Crime Against Cinema



Hey guys, it's Donnie...I am totally at a loss. I truly do not understand how Dr. Uwe Boll, with probably the worst track record in professional filmmaking, continues to snatch up enviable casts and more money than he deserves. I'm serious, he must be a master of hypnosis or have more blackmail matieral on Hollywood than J. Edgar Hoover.

Dr. Boll is has begun to setup his next project Dungeon Siege, which looks to be his first ever film NOT based on a video game. First off, look at this cast: Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Perlman, John Rhys Davies, matthew Lillard, Kristanna Loken and BURT FUCKING REYNOLDS. Not only that, but the man has somehow amassed a budget of $60 million. This guy has literally never profited a single dollar from any of his films, aside from the fact that the only person on the planet who thinks these movies are worth the film they're printed on is Boll himself. And personally, I'm of the opinion that anyone whose dream movie is Resident Evil and whose directorial idol is Paul WS Anderson should have their (imaginary) doctorate taken away.

I'm so deadly serious. Someone needs to put a stop to this asshole and put the filmgoing community out of its collective misery.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Minion Productions said...

Actually, I have a hilarious correction. Dungeon Siege IS a video game. http://www.microsoft.com/games/dungeonsiege/ And the Uwe Boll streak continues...

5:57 PM  
Blogger Fallen Saint said...

Ack, you beat me to it.. I was going to point that out as well. We can only hope the name is a coincidence, however, my hopes are not high.

12:56 AM  
Blogger DonnieDarker said...

I stand corrected. I also heard a rumor that the reason Dr. Boll continues to get financing is that it all comes from Germany, where there is apparantly a tax loophole that lets financiers write off their contributions if the movie doesn't make a profit. Stupid Germans...

8:14 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Germans have questionable cinematography tastes.

8:09 AM  

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